Fear
by JazzPizza
Summary: A songfic to Sarah McLachlan's Fear. Ron can't risk taking what he wants for fear of losing what he loves. RonGinny.


   Author's Note: What can I say? I'm just glad my muse is back. If he decides that Sarah McLachlan has something to do with Ron and Ginny, well, that's his decision. (This was all his work, I tell you.)

*******

   _Morning smiles_

_   Like the face of a newborn child_

_   Innocent, unknowing_

The sun's rays fill every corner of your miniature yellow room and leave me with nowhere to hide. The harsh light of the sun pouring through your window, spilling over your unkempt ginger hair, your porcelain cheeks, your wistful smile; it exposes everything inside me. I wonder how long I can hide this from you – from everyone – if I can't even hide it from the daylight.

   _Winter's end_

_   Promises of a long lost friend_

_   Speaks to me of comfort_

   Watching you sleep fills me with something warm and intoxicating somewhere deep down in my gut; somewhere that's gone untouched by all the years and all the changes I've been through. I love you; that much will never change. But the way I love you…

   _But I fear_

_   I have nothing to give_

_   I have so much to lose here in this lonely place_

_   Tangled up in your embrace_

_   There's nothing I'd like better than to fall_

Ginny, you deserve so much more than this. You deserve his love, the love of your hero. You deserve…you deserve someone that's worthy of you, and it's not me. It could never be me. How could it be? 

   I can never offer you anything but love. I know that. But I love you more than anyone ever will. Years, tears, and people will come and go – friends and lovers – and I'll love you still. Nothing can change that.

    _But I fear_

_   I have nothing to give_

But it's not enough. It's not enough to save you. You need someone…you need someone to be your prince, your knight. You need someone to save you. And it can't be me, not even if I wanted it to be. I can't take you away from all of this. 

   I would only make it worse.

   _Wind in time_

_   Rapes the flower trembling on the vine_

_   And nothing yields to shelter it_

I look into your eyes – your bright, brown, beautiful eyes, too often brimmed with tears – and I wonder why no one else can see it. Why they can't see why I want so badly to be the one to save you. You're more than just the princess in the tower, Ginny. You don't even think you're good enough for that, but I see you, I see you in a way no one else can. And I know you're better.

   You're an angel – an angel that will fall, without the hands to guide her.

   And it can never be my hands. Never mine.

   My hands would gladly push you, and I would join you on the ground.

   _From above_

_   They say temptation will destroy our love_

_   The never-ending hunger_

"Ron," you say, with a smile.

   It's always a smile. I come to you to give you solace, to be the one to wipe away your tears, to shelter you from your nightmares. I'm your security blanket; I can't make it all go away, but I make you feel better.

   I make you smile.

   Sometimes, that's enough.

   And sometimes, you look into my eyes, as if you're pleading – as if you're telling me aloud that you need more than that – and sometimes, I want so desperately to give it.

   But Ginny, you don't want it from me. Please believe me. You don't want it from me.

   _But I fear_

_   I have nothing to give_

_   I have so much to lose here in this lonely place_

_   Tangled up in our embrace_

_   There's nothing I'd like better than to fall_

   You wrap your arms around me; tangle your delicate fingers in my hair. In the warmth of the sun, in the light of the day, those occasional glints in your eyes are nothing but a flicker of the twilight. In the luminescent yellowness of your room in the morning, there's nothing for you to be ashamed of. And I'm glad for you. I'm glad.

   But you look into my eyes, that same wistful, sleepy smile on your face, and something about you seems empty. And maybe now it's not your eyes, but your lips…your lips are gently pouting, calling to me inaudibly, pleading…

   Please, Ginny. You don't want this.

   "I love you, Ron," you say.

   I cast a penetrating look at you. Your eyes fill with tears. You look away.

   _But I fear_

_   I have nothing to give_

_   I have so much to lose_

   "I love you, Ginny," I say carefully, factually, studying you.

   "Then why? Why won't you –"

   "Ginny," I say softly. "Don't."

   You clench your jaw in stubborn determination. "No. I don't care. I don't care, Ron, because you're the only thing in this world – you're the only reason for me to live, you know that? Sometimes…sometimes I just can't stand to be afraid anymore but I keep on crying and trying because…because I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to leave you. Because…I know you can make it better. Couldn't you just…"

   "Ginny," I say softly. Both our eyes are brimming with tears. "Ginny, you know that I can't – that we can't – that it has nothing to do with how much I love you. That I would do anything for you but I can't do this." 

   "And why?" you ask, quiet and bitter. "What do you have to lose?"

   "You," I say. "It's always you."

_   I have nothing to give_

_   We have so much to lose…_


End file.
